The Best Yes

the best yes

I have a disease.  Lysa TerKeurst calls it “The Disease to Please”.  And I’ve got it bad!  I’ve known it for a long time, and I’ve been on a bit of a journey over the past few years to really hone in on what it is that I do best, what I’m called to do, what God wants me to do now.  I actually started working on this through reading  She really focuses on goals and realizing your limits.  As someone who is easily overwhelmed, this speaks to me!  I’ve learned a lot from her.  I also learned a lot from Lysa TerKeurst in her newest book, The Best Yes.

Apparently, this disease is something that many of us suffer from.  It’s the feeling of,

“What if I don’t do that…what will they think?” 

“Will they still like me if I say no?”

“Will they think that I’m not very godly if I don’t volunteer for everything?”

“Will I be seen as a ‘team player’ if I say no to this?”

Yes, all these thoughts have played through my head at one time or another.  And yes, I’m almost ashamed to admit it, because they sound so ridiculous sometimes.  But let’s be honest here…how many of us are just plain tired?  We’re not just tired, we’re more than tired…we’re exhausted.

I’m no expert in this area as I am in the midst of one of the busiest, most stressful months that I’ve had in a long time, but I wanted to share a few things with you that I’m working on that I’ve gleaned from reading The Best Yes,, and attending a session on Margin at a recent retreat.

  1. We must pray daily. We must pray daily that our agenda matches up with God’s agenda for us. If we are doing what He has for us, then we can have peace about every decision no matter how hard it may be.   Stay tuned in to God, and He will lead you to making the best decisions for you and your family.
  2. “No” must be part of our vocabulary.  I hate the word.  I hate to say it.  It feels funny coming off my tongue.  But, we have to say it sometimes.  So we need to practice.  Now this is going to sound seriously silly, but hey, I’m being real here…but I’ve been known to practice my response to something.  If I know it’s something that I can’t do right now (even if I really want to), I will “rehearse” saying no in the nicest, most Deana-ish way possible.  I love how Lysa suggests declining respectfully.  She says, “I just can’t give that the attention that it deserves right now.”
  3. We must stop the guilt.  After you’ve said, “No” there’s a moment of sheer victory…a whole 2 seconds, followed by immense guilt.  Too often, I live in the realm of guilt.  I will live a few days with the guilt of that simple “no.” We have got to let it go (song from popular movie is now playing in my head…grrr). We need to have confidence in what God would have us to do, no more and no less… and leave it at that. End of story.
  4. We need to regularly evaluate our activities to make sure that they are all “Best Yes” activities. You know, I think this is the hardest one especially for families. You want to give your child every opportunity to excel, to find a niche, to discover hidden talent. I understand that completely, but we have to also consider what we are teaching our children by staying busy all the time. What does it show them when the family is so busy that there is no time to be a kid? Will they continue this cycle with their kids, your grandkids? Cycles generally magnify over time. Will the busyness cycle be even worse? Will our kids ever know how to rest? And the BIGGEST question we have to ask ourselves as parents…the one that produces a lump in the pit of our stomachs…Do we have the time to teach our kids about God? Not just teach them about God…but do they see how important He is in our life? Are you a Deuteronomy 6 family? If not, this is a great time to evaluate the activities that can be cut. How can you get more “down time” into your schedule? Take time to think about what is really and truly important to you. Our kids pick up on what’s really important. We can’t just tell them what’s important. We have to show them with our lives.
  5. Make room for serving God. Unlike any other “Yes”, serving God is the only decision where you’ll get back more than you give. Now, I’m not saying that you should say, “Yes” to every single event or class that comes up in your church. But ministering to others gives us fuel like nothing else….so think about and pray about how you’ve been gifted (Are you gifted with children? How about cooking? Do you like to visit?) , and say “Yes” as much as you can in those areas.
  6.  Know that even your “Best Yes” doesn’t mean that it’s going to be easy. The Bible never promises an easy life. In fact, in many cases, it’s exactly the opposite. Looking back on the decisions in my life, I can see where many of my “Best Yes” decisions were actually really hard, but really rewarding in the end. Our decision to adopt, for example, doesn’t make sense on the surface. For anyone looking in on our situation, they might say, “You’ve got three kids already, you’re busy, you have a lot on your plate. Why?” The answer is simple. Because God has asked us to do this, and we said, “Yes”. It’s been a hard month of training and paperwork and shuffling appointments, but I have peace, knowing that when this is all said and done, it will be worth it. It is a “Best Yes.”
  7. A “No” now is not a “No” forever.  If you can’t do something now, it’s not a forever thing.  God may just not be ready for you to use that gift yet.  There are a million things that I want to do, but now is not a time to start businesses or write books (how I wish!).  But it may very well be a “Best Yes” later.

So today, I’m trying something new. I’m running my very first giveaway here on the blog! It’s pretty exciting actually!  I’m giving away my copy of Lysa TerKeurst’s The Best Yes along with a little goody or two. Yes, it’s my copy, so it’s been dog-eared in a couple of places, but it’s otherwise in excellent condition, and I’m thrilled to be able to pass it on!  You can earn entries in several different ways, so the more you do, the more chances you get! The giveaway will end Saturday evening, I’ll announce the winner on Sunday, and I’ll get the book mailed out on Monday! Good luck!

Yes, I’m totally doing this the old-fashioned, dinosaur way. Because of some hosting issues that I need to work on, it’s just how I’m rolling these days. We’ll get it done eventually though! Here’s how it works:

Each task is one entry. Be sure to leave me a separate comment for each task that you completed. Just say something like, “Hey I am your newest Facebook Follower!”

  1. “Like” Redeeming the Days on Facebook. Check out the button in the left panel or click:
  2. Leave me a comment and tell me what you like to read the most here on Redeeming the Days
  3. Follow the blog on RSS Feed. Click on the “Follow” button in the left panel.
  4. Leave a comment and tell me if you’re a people pleaser.  How do you say No?
  5. Share this post with your friends on Social Media.

11 thoughts on “The Best Yes

  1. Sonya K says:

    Sometimes I can be a people pleaser, but I try to say no if I know that it is something that just won’t work for my family. I try to make sure that if I’m going to help someone that I’m not doing so at the expense of my family.


  2. I have been hearing about this book!!! I really need to get it. Thanks for the little synopsis!!! Thanks for sharing with What You Wish Wednesday. Please link-up again tomorrow!


  3. I do struggle with wanting to please others, however, the hardest part for me in saying “no” isn’t in the saying of “no” but in the quiet disappointment I can sometimes sense from others after I say no. That’s the hardest part for me; I don’t like upsetting others. My favorite way of saying no is “not right now,” or “that’s not going to fit in right now.” I love it, because then it makes saying no really easy for me! Have you read Crytal Paine’s Say Goodbye to Survival mode? It really helped me. I haven’t read Lysa’s new book, but I really enjoyed her book unglued. Thanks for sharing! I’m also learning about adding more margin in my life. I’m glad I found you through the WFMW link up.


  4. I’m going to try again, my first comment didn’t post! But I struggle with people pleasing in a weird opposite way. For some reason no isn’t too hard for me to say, but I still don’t like upsetting people when I can tell they are upset because of my “no.” I always try to be polite about it, and so when I’m polite I don’t feel like I’m offending anyone. Where I don’t like upsetting someone is in the arena of confrontation. That’s hard! My recent favorite way of saying no is “not right now.” It really makes it easy when saying no for me. Have you read mommy saving mom’s new book Say Goodbye to Survival Mode? It talks about a lot of the things you were speaking of. I LOVED it. I haven’t read Lysa’s new book, but I really enjoyed her unglued book. I’m glad I found you through the link up (WFMW). Keep saying yes to the best!


  5. Just found you through WFMW and I am definitely a people pleaser and it has caused a lot of friction in my marriage. I spent too many years trying to please my children instead of listening to my husband. I’m slowly getting better but it is hard work.


  6. Kayla Andrews says:

    I’ve liked you Facebook pg already and I’m also a follower. 🙂 I enjoy reading about homeschooling. However, I struggle with fear like you used to so I am very interested in learning more about how you overcame that. I do like to please people but I usually come up with a lame excuse nobody believes because I’m too scared to just say no lol


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