So yesterday afternoon at about 1:00, I got a call saying that we would be having our final walk through at about 3:30. Now, I find this ironic for a few reasons. First of all, I kind of suspected that we would have pretty short notice of this final walk through, and I kind of knew that it could be any day now, so I’ve been really making the effort to keep the house clean. But, along with everyone else in the whole wide world, we’ve been super busy, and the kids were absolutely worn out from the late nights and intense fun that we’ve been having lately. And when I say worn out, I mean crying-for-absolutely-no-reason-worn-out (example: Lydia had a meltdown at church the other night for not having a Jesus face for her manger craft-she cried the rest of the night about it…the crazy part? She DID have a Jesus face!). This is the level of tired that my young family hits. And believe it or not, I was right there with them-I have never handled exhaustion very well. So, anyway, I had oddly enough planned, planned, to NOT make beds, NOT get dressed, NOT take a shower, NOT do my daily to-do list. Yes, these days must be planned around my house. So, the kids had pretty much been watching PBS in their jammies all day with the exception of an extra-long outdoor play session outside, yes-in their jammies. So, needless to say, when I got that phone call at 1:00 in the afternoon, it was a bit of a shock. I thought…Of all the days…this had to be the one. And then I realized that of course it did, because that’s just how God works with me. So I called Tim, expressed my concerns in one, short, simple phone conversation that went something like this:
Me: “OH. MY. GOSH! I’m in full blown panic mode! I made the conscious decision NOT to clean today! Ahhh!!!”
Tim: Laughter….. (Because why wouldn’t you laugh at a time LIKE THIS???)
Me: “Ok…gotta go clean. Love you. Bye.”
Yes, when you’ve been married for 11 years, you don’t need many words to convey the situation. Anyway, within that short 2 ½ hours, we were surprisingly able to get everyone dressed, a shower for me, the house picked up and a quick surface clean, a few last minute details, and we even had a few minutes to spare to get my blood pressure back down to normal. Of course, as usual, the actual walk through was far less scary than I had imagined.
So, here’s where we are. By tomorrow, we should officially be “open”. This means that we will be entered into the state computer system and that system will begin to “match” us with a waiting child. We had a child we were praying about, but as it turns out, it looks like our prayers for him have already been answered, as they have already found an adoptive home for him. So that is truly wonderful. We are so thankful. So now we are back in this stage of not knowing…which is right where God wants us, I’m sure. In that place of absolute trust and surrender.
Throughout this entire process, I’ve been just a little scared (maybe more than a little at times?). At first, I was scared about actually doing this. I knew that we were following God’s will for us, but at the same time, I knew it was crazy. It makes no sense. Why, why? Then, as time went on, my fear progressed out of a “why are You asking us to do this?” to “But what if we do all this, and go through all this and they can’t find us a match?” I must say that was scarier than the first question to me. But, I think that I’ve finally come full circle in this process. Because when I pray, what keeps coming to mind is that God has us in this season “for such a time as this”. There is a reason that this is the right time. There is a child. There is a purpose.
So here we are, on a path that began over 11 years ago, but really got in full swing back in February, with the simple words that were spoken off-the-cuff by our pastor. At the end of a sermon, he said something to the effect of, “Adoption…if you have a heart for that, nurture it, feed that. Don’t let the fire die out.” And then he said, “I don’t really even know why I just said that.” It didn’t have anything to do with his sermon, but those were the words that we needed to hear. And God knew that. That day, we got in the car, looked at each other, and said, “I think it’s time.” That was the beginning. A couple of weeks later, there “happened to be” an informational meeting that we attended. And here we are, at the final step. We have done EVERYTHING we can possibly do to prepare for this. Now, we are literally leaving it in God’s hands. And it feels really good to say,
“Father, we have been obedient,
and now we trust you with our lives and with our family.
Do with us whatever will bring you the most glory.”